On this page: Friendship
Making Friendships that Count
Dear Jane
Topic: Friendship
Making Friendships that Count
     by Cher Wandell
“The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” (Proverbs 12:26)
Having a lot of friends is every teen`s goal.  To be popular and having people want to be your friend isn`t easy to achieve.  Teens go through hoops to be liked by others!  Being like comes with making choices, and gaining a friend may come with a cost that you didn`t figure on paying.  Compromise of values is almost a given when it comes to making friends.
Many people come with baggage and issues.  They want you to take on those things and carry the burden in order to be their “friend.”  Let`s get real, friends are work!
Jesus gave us a good example of what real friendship is, and what people are to look for in any relationship all throughout the Bible.  Did His disciples get what He was telling them?
Not all of them did.  Most of them couldn`t cut it when things got hard.
By the time Jesus went to the cross His closest friends deceived Him, betrayed Jesus, sold out on Him, and denied even knowing Him.  Out of the thousands of followers along with the disciples, only a few were real friends. That`s pretty sad, especially when they saw the miracles that took place in front of their very eyes.  They weren`t friends, but used Jesus to get what they could out of Him.  He even told them that!
Jesus couldn`t even trust His own family with the care of His mother Mary.  He had to ask His friend, John to take charge of His mother.  John was the only one mentioned that totally Believed in God`s Son Jesus, and took that belief to the cross with Jesus.   Jesus knew that John was a true friend by the way he responded to every situation that they encountered during the ministry of Christ on Earth.  Jesus chose carefully (with full care) who He wanted to take care of His mother after He was crucified.  He was a friend that honored the Lord and believed in what Jesus was doing even though he didn`t fully understand the entire picture.
You may not always agree with your friends on everything, but a true friend believes in you even though they don`t fully understand the things you do.  
If you have friends that are trying to change you into something you`re not, they are in the relationship for themselves.  If you have friends that are leading you into things that will cause harm to you, they are trying to make you feel inferior and vulnerable so they can control you.  Don`t call them a friend, but an enemy.  Giving up on what you believe or losing who you are for a friend isn`t what God wants.  Friends care about one another and only want good things for the other person.  
Jesus was the example we need to follow.  Be sure to choose friends that will not lead you astray or away from God.  (cw)
Topic: Love, Friendship & Honesty
“Dear Jane”
by Cher Wandell
There was this couple who dated for a year.  They liked the same music, food, etc.  They were a popular couple in school with lots of friends.
Over the summer months things began to change.  The couple didn`t see one another very much.  When September came, the boy decided to break up with the girl for no apparent reason. “We just want different things,” he said to her in a “Dear Jane” letter.
What happened to the popular couple that had so much in common?  Pride, vanity & life!  The Word of God tells us that people will turn on us, or change the way they think and feel.  When things like this happen and you feel the world is against you, turn to God`s Word for comfort and answers.  God already knows that people will come against you for no apparent reason, except for their own vanity and pride.  This passage of scripture tells how King David felt about a relationship that went sour.
“Look, men are waiting to ambush me, but I have not sinned or done anything wrong, LORD.  I have done nothing wrong, but they are ready to attack me.  Wake up to help me, and look.  You are the LORD GOD All-Powerful, the God of Israel.  Arise and punish those people.  Don`t give those traitors any mercy.”  (Psalm 59:3-5)
That is a powerful prayer isn`t it?  Yes, it seems strong but God already knows that people will try to hurt His children.  In this prayer, David didn`t want to forgive, but wanted the Lord to take some action against his enemy without showing any mercy on him.  He was angry and his prayer reflected his anger.
“They sin with what they say; they sin with their words.  They curse and tell lies, so let their pride trap them.” (Psalm 59:12)
The pride and vanity of a person will always be revealed God says.  Here David asked God to let the lies of his enemy be revealed to all so it would trap him.  In other words, people would discover he was a liar.
The young man that broke up with the girl was caught in his act of pride.  He wanted different things alright; he wanted to date someone else, but wasn`t honest with his feelings.  Sure the truth may of hurt for a while, but the lie made the girl feel she did something wrong.  She felt she failed in the relationship and it effected her entire year.
In the end, the girl that he wanted to date became friends with “Dear Jane”.  They remain friends to this day.  He moved on to other pastures and lost out big time!
Even though this girl was hurt, she should have forgiven her X for his wrongful dealings.  She was the one who held on to the feelings.  He didn`t even think twice about it.
“Lord, how often do I have to forgive someone?  Jesus said,
“Seventy times seven,  in other words, each time they do you wrong.” (from Matthew 18:21-22)
As a child of God, we are always to forgive others, even when we are not in the wrong.  Does that mean you have given in?  No.  It means you are the wiser person, and won`t get caught up in lies or pride.  
"Pride will destroy a person; a proud attitude leads to ruin."
(Proverbs 16:18)
God tells us in His Word that if we don`t forgive people when they have hurt us, He won`t forgive us of our sins either (Mark 11:25-26).  It is in our best interest that we forgive and move on in life and don`t let pride get the best of us.
Remember, a person who knows they are right, doesn`t have to prove it because he/she knows the truth and so does God.  
"Truth will continue forever, but lies are only for a moment."
(Proverbs 12:19)
(*Scripture ref. from NCYB)
Pastors Jim & Cher's counseling training and membership is through American Association of Christian Counselors, and they are ordained by Pastor Rod Parsley through World Harvest Church Ministerial Fellowship in Ohio (aka Breakthrough Ministries).  Pastor Cher also holds a degree in education and teacher of the handicapped.
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